Send in the clowns..

2012 DNC NATIONAL CONVENTION SCHEDULE

4:00 PM Opening Flag Burning Ceremony
4:05 PM Singing of "God Damn America" led by Rev. Jeremiah Wright
4:10 PM Pledge of Allegiance to Obama

4:15 PM Ceremonial 'I Hate America' led by Michelle Obama
4:30 PM Tips on Dodging Sniper Fire , Hillary Clinton
4:45 PM Al Sharpton Leads Castrati Choir in Singing, "Great Balls of Fire"

5:00 PM UFO Abduction Survival , Joe Biden
5:30 PM Eliot Spitzer Speaks on "Family Values" via Satellite
5:45 PM Tribute to All 57 States

6:00 PM Joe Biden Delivers 100,000-Word Speech Featuring 23-Minute Question and 2-Hour Answer
8:30 PM Airing of Grievances by the Clintons
9:00 PM Bill Clinton Delivers Rousing Endorsement of Obama Girl

9:15 PM Tribute Film to Freedom Fighters at Gitmo , Michael Moore
9:45 PM Personal Finance Seminar - Charlie Rangel
10:00 PM Denunciation of Bitter Gun Owners, Rosie O'Donnell

10:30 PM Ceremonial Waving of White Flag for Iraq & Afghanistan
11:00 PM Obama Energy Plan Symposium/Tire Gauge Demonstration
11:15 PM Free Gov. Blagojevich rally

11:30 PM Obama Accepts Tony and Latin Grammy Awards
11:45 PM Feeding of the Delegates with 5 Loaves and 2 Fish, Obama Presiding
12:00 AM Official Nomination of Obama by Bill Maher

12:01 AM Obama Accepts Nomination as Lord and Savior
12:05 AM Celestial Choirs Sing
3:00 AM Biden Delivers Acceptance Speech

NOTE: There is one omission in the list above: Memorial recognition of Obama's surrogate son, Trayvon, will be in conjunction with the 12:05 AM event.

OPTION: Closing with a "Declaration of War" on the rich; to be decided just before the Convention. Mitt Romney will be declared "Public Enemy Number One".

(Thanks to my good friend, retired Georgia Detective Tom Alexander, for this.)

-30-