Monday, September 26, 2011

Drafting Guys Over 60

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to
track down terrorists.  You can't be older than 42 to
join the military.  They've got the whole thing ass-backwards.
Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take
us old guys.  You shouldn't be able to join a military unit
until you're at least 35. 
For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about
sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about
sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000
additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a
cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.  'My back hurts!  I can't               
sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe
letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it
will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.. 
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 am.  Old guys
always get up early to pee, so what the hell.  Besides, like I
said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may
as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch. 
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where
we put them.  In fact, name, rank, and serial number
would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting
screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.  We've also
developed an appreciation for guns.  We've been using them
for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the
screaming and yelling. 
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've
been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope
hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after
completing basic training. 
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've
never seen anyone outrun a bullet. 
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still
learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl.
He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to
shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little
more about life before sending them off into harm's way. 
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The
last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off
old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know
that their best years are already behind them. 

How about recruiting Women over menopause!!!
You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else, put them on
border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night! 
Send this to all of your senior's in big  type so they can read it.


Anonymous said...

LOL! This was brilliant! I'm glad I followed a link from Left Coast Rebel over here.

Chakam @ The Conservative Guild, based in the liberal heart of New England

Woodsterman (Odie) said...

ecc102, Glad you found us. Now I have to get The War Planner back over here more often.

Ron Russell said...

That was a trip into reality Oldie!